This is one of the great wonders of the world.

If you were to take a goldfish out of a fishbowl in your home and let it go free in a big pond or lake, you would be very surprised to see that the goldfish would continue to swim in a small circle roughly the size of your fish bowl at home.

Now, why is it so, you may ask?

Because, while in the fishbowl, whenever the goldfish tried to swim further, it would bump into the glass.

After doing this for so many times it would invariably give up trying to swim further.

The goldfish now believes that this is how it has always been and that it is not possible for it to be any other way.

This has now become the belief of the goldfish.

We human beings are no different.  Our beliefs have become so ingrained in us that we decide in our subconscious mind that something is not possible and of course that is what becomes our reality.

Questioning our beliefs means that we have to question our own limitations.

If they serve us then all is fine and if they don’t serve us then it is time to replace them with beliefs that do.

Some of the biggest ” popular beliefs” out there is that it is very difficult to make money, It is very

difficult to get out of debt, we need money to make money, it’s so difficult to be successful in a recession or that the challenges we have are too difficult to surmount.

We’re still thinking like the goldfish even though we are free.

Bob Marley says ” Emancipate yourself from mental slavery”.

Look at your hands -do you see any shackles?  Look at your feet are they tied together?

What is holding you back?  Your limiting beliefs of course.  Your limitations are set by your beliefs.

Most people want to know: ” How can one tell for sure if what one believes is true or not?”.

The question to ask is really simple:

1.  How does this belief serve me?

2.  Is this belief moving me towards my dreams and aspirations?

3.  Or is this belief moving me away from my dreams and aspirations?

There is a Turkish proverb that paraphrased says : if you are on the wrong road turn back.

Here is this week’s to do list:

Look at the three questions above and ask yourself:

Is what I am thinking and feeling moving me towards or away from my dreams and aspirations?

Is how I am behaving moving me towards or away from my dreams and aspirations?

Are the results of my actions moving me towards or away from my dreams and aspirations.

Think about this and see what you need to change to get back on track towards those dreams

So get out of the fishbowl and live!

Dr Ken Onu is the CEO and founder of Attract Freedom. An organization with the sole purpose of empowering others to Personal  Freedom and Prosperity. An Ophthalmologist by profession, he is a keen speaker, communicator, entrepreneur and an aspiring author. Coming soon Free personal development sessions => http://www.attractfreedom.com. Register early!

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This is what we have been talking about! Hear this from Mr UltraMegaSuccess…..Will Smith

To Peace, Harmony, Laughter and Love

Ken Onu

Posted via email from kenon’s posterous

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Do You Feed Negativity? – By Joyce Shafer   

When negativity knocks at your door, do you recognize it and send it away? Or do you invite it in for dinner, or worse, to stay with you as long as it likes–possibly for your lifetime?

First, be clear that being the manager of negativity in your life isn’t about the fact that you have negative thoughts or feelings–you will. It isn’t about eliminating negative thoughts and feelings so you never experience them again–that’s not realistic. It is about training your conscious mind to notice such thoughts and feelings when they appear, and to recognize the different “costumes” negativity wears. You can’t manage negativity until you recognize and own how you engage it.

Whatever costume negativity puts on, what’s really embodied is fear. You might call it anger or another emotion, but underlying any negative emotion is fear–the fear you’ll lose something. This has everything to do with living in your personal power.

Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross said, “Natural anger lasts for only about seventeen seconds.” This means the actual emotion you feel (any negative emotion) has its full-charge expression for that period of time. Past that, your conscious (and subconscious) mind takes over, usually engaging in reactions related to whatever fear was triggered.

When fear is triggered, you may project a negative future vision. You may pull up old memories to support why you feel the way you do. You’d call this justification for the reaction. What it really is, is feeding negativity–because you aren’t focused on what you can do that’s productive; you’re focused on self-preservation at any cost. Depending on your habitual reaction mode, you may close up like a telescope or let your sharp claws and teeth out.

Here are several common forms of negativity you may feed (or feed on):
• Prejudice of ANY kind (race, religion, financial status, etc.)
• Demonstrating lack of self-respect or respect for others (if you do one, you do the other)
• Unproductive criticism (everyone needs to vent; but there’s a productive way to do this)
• Replaying past events as though they’re still happening (which only triggers more negative emotions in the present)
• Allowing more “news” into your life than you really need to know (this includes any form of “entertainment” or “information” that creates extraneous negative feelings for you about anything that doesn’t have a direct impact on your life or how you choose to engage it)
• Intentionally negative “humor” or comments (sadly, the ability to slam someone with hurtful words, directly or indirectly, is considered a prized trait)
• Paying more attention to what others are doing than what you’re doing
• Telling jokes or using comments to bash others (gender-bashing is top of this list)
• Stating speculations then acting as though they’re facts (ignoring that maybe you don’t have enough information)
• Using the words “always” and “never” (or labels), especially when you assign them to others’ behaviors (which closes your mind to allowing they “could” one day be different)

You can add more to this list as they occur to you. A good question to ask yourself whenever you do one of these is, “What fear is underneath this for me, and how can I address it appropriately?”

Feeding negativity is a learned habit. You can:
1. Acknowledge you engage in it.
2. Remind yourself to get your own attention about this. Author Guy Finley said, “No intention can be any stronger than our ability to remember it in the moment that it is needed.”
3. Start now to begin to do things differently. Choose to ask if your attitude, words, and actions are aligned with opening the path for a desired productive experience and outcome. There’s a difference in telling someone you feel angry and why and asking them to participate in a mutually beneficial resolution, and verbally attacking them. There’s a difference in telling yourself what you feel, why you feel it, and considering what you can do rather than entering the negative vortex.
4. Consider how you really see your authentic self. It isn’t that you have to suppress your personality or nature. It isn’t that you have to deny and keep quiet about what you really feel. It’s about what you do from there and how you do it. What do you really want to feed–as your experience and what you believe about yourself? If you don’t believe in your personal power, and right to live from it, how can you expect to act from there?

Train yourself to respond more often than you react; and acknowledge that will take conscious energy management. Reactions happen when you feel events or others have more power than you do. They don’t; that’s an illusion. They can only have as much power over you as you give them.

Any person or event that tests your personal power is an opportunity for you to pause and consider how you really see yourself: are you a volunteer victim or someone who looks out for your best interests–with integrity? If you feed (or feed on) negativity on a consistent basis, it can seem nearly impossible to feel you embody personal power.

Personal power is not a way of acting–it’s a way of BEing, even if you have to BEcome it one more-consciously-aware moment at a time.

Compare how much time you give to negative thoughts, feelings, words, and actions to the time you apply these to what makes you feel authentic, joyful, intentional, fulfilled–living on purpose.

No matter what’s going on around you, you always choose how to experience and process it. When you embrace this as a fact, you stand in your personal power. The more you do this, the more your innate power expands.

Feed negativity or feed intentional living. The choice is yours.

** To comment on this article or to read comments about this article, go here.

About the Author:

Joyce Shafer (jls1422@yahoo.com) is a Life Empowerment Coach and Author of “Reinvent Yourself: Refuse to Settle for Less in Life and Business.”

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Responsibility is defined as having the ability to respond to any situation or event. If someone angers you, it is always within your control to choose your response. It is your choice.

Disasters do not depress people, it is how we process the disasters that may or may not depress us. Remember..that nothing outside of you can make you unhappy, stressed or depressed. It is only your state of mind.

Usually holding on to something that has happened in the past or worrying about something that may or may not happen in the future causes depression and anxiety. When you take responsibility for how you feel, everything changes. You respond instead of react.

Anger is just an emotion. Emotions are controlled by our feelings which are controlled by our thoughts.

Think good thoughts  and you will have no cause to be angry even when someone tries to make you angry.

If there is anything outside of you that you feel is keeping you back, just check again. It is really something inside of you that is keeping you back. You own it (the problem that is) , because you have chosen to hold on to it. Its like passing a ball from one person to another. Whoever has the ball owns it in that moment.

All you have to do is let go of the ball and you are free.  You are the sum total of all the choices you have made in your life.  Its so important to live with a NO BLAME policy.

Keep in mind that there are no coincidences in life. There are also no limits. Its the attitude you choose in the moment that drives you.

So let go . The best way to leave your feelings of anger and resentment behind is to think only about what you are grateful for . Count your blessings before you earn the right to one feeling of anger.

Learn to control your thoughts. You will be absolutely amazed how much that can change you

Ken Onu

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   Check out this inspiring article on not giving up

enjoy……

“An oak tree is just a little nut that held its ground.”

We all like to read about successes. We’re encouraged by the achievement of others and inspired to hear about how they overcame difficult odds.

But what happens when things don’t go as planned? What happens when we just don’t make it? 

Successful people don’t reach all their goals. In fact, they usually miss more than they make.

The fear of missing the mark is one of the reasons we don’t set some goals in the first place. We don’t want to fall short, and we don’t want anyone to know we didn’t make it. We don’t want to fail.

I’d like to share some thoughts about a goal I didn’t reach.

My goal at the beginning of the year was to lose 32 pounds (about 15 kilos) by May 21st. I lost only 14 pounds (about 6.5 kilos)

There are many other goals over the past few months that were met, and even exceeded, but this one was one of the most important. It was also one over which I had the greatest control. It is I and I alone who determines what goes into my mouth and how often and how much I exercise.

It was a do-able and believable goal. I had a target date. I had a workable plan and it was a worthy goal.

So what happened?

There were a number of factors that contributed to coming up short, and I’m still evaluating them.

The important thing to realize, however, is that I didn’t actually fail. What happened was I missed my target date.

Am I discouraged? A little. Am I disappointed? Yes.

But I can’t change what is. I have to survey the results, the lack of results and look closely at my plan and how I’ll improve upon it.

Am I still committed to it? Yes, indeed. Am I resetting a target date? You bet.

And that’s what’s important … not giving up. 

Until I realized that I had missed the target date instead of failed in the process of achieving my goal, I was discouraged. I was focusing on failure instead of the progress I’d made.

The truth is; I’m stronger and healthier now than I was in January. Losing 14 pounds isn’t bad. It’s not great, but it’s better than being where I was, or worse … gaining weight.

I receive letters from people disheartened because they’re not making the progress they think they should. They’re discouraged because they didn’t succeed. The truth is … achieving big goals is rarely easy. 

What is easy is to focus on our short-falls. It’s easy to talk to ourselves in negative, counterproductive language:

“I’ll never make it.” “I just can’t get it right.” “Why don’t I ever win?”

Perhaps we’re deceived by stories of “overnight” successes. We don’t see the setbacks and obstacles that were part of the success. But perseverance almost always wins out. I’m reminded that an oak tree is just a little nut that held its ground.

If it were easy, we wouldn’t have the satisfaction that comes with the winning. If we didn’t have to change in order to reach the goal, we wouldn’t grow. The pain of discipline is only temporary. The glory of achievement lasts much longer.

I’m going to hang in there. I’m going to start over. And I’m going to do it.

How about you? Do you let the fear of “failure” keep you from setting big goals? Will you keep on keeping on? What goal do you have that needs a recommitment? What will you overcome in order to achieve it?

How are you willing to change?

About the author: Michael Angier is founder and CIO(Chief Inspiration Officer) of SuccessNet, a support network helping people and businesses grow and prosper. http://SuccessNet.org

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I came across this article by Chuck Gallozi and couldn’t help wondering how many of us really follow these tips. It would indeed help all our relationships…..read on

People and problems seem to go together. For example, someone you know may be having family, marital, or relationship problems. Perhaps a friend has lost a job and is struggling to make ends meet. Or an acquaintance may be trying to cope with physical or mental illness, pain, or loneliness. People with problems often ask friends for advice. Did you ever have someone ask you for advice and then ignore it? Worse yet, did a friend ask for your honest opinion and get angry when you gave it? At one time or another, most of us have had such an experience and become confused by it. What is the proper way to act when someone asks us for advice?

Before I answer that question, let me make an introductory comment by stating NEVER give advice when it isn’t asked for. For as John Gray wrote, “To offer a man unsolicited advice is to presume that he doesn’t know what to do, or that he can’t do it on his own.” So, when we give advice that wasn’t asked for, we are implying our friends are too stupid to know what to do, or that we are superior and know more than they do. If that’s the way someone treated you, wouldn’t you get angry? Since we should treat others as we would like them to treat us, it makes sense to never give advice that isn’t asked for.

But what do we do when a friend asks us for advice? I recommend the following steps:

1. Just listen. Allow your friend to get their problem off their chest.

2. After listening, do not offer advice, unless you are asked again.

3. Do not give YOUR advice, but help your friends tap into their own inner wisdom and rely on themselves. In other words, teach them how to fish, rather than feeding them a fish, for they need to develop permanent skills rather than get a temporary fix.

4. Once you have helped them, do not remain attached to the outcome. If they do not follow through and simply go back to their old ways, let it go. Trying to rescue them would just be offering unsolicited advice. But if they come back asking for advice again, repeat these four steps.

Do not worry if you don’t know how to carry out step number 3 because I will give an example. However, before I do, I will outline why we should not give OUR advice, but help our friends follow their own. Next, to complete our understanding of the big picture, I will outline why people ask for advice. After that I will give an example of step three in action. Finally, I will end with concluding remarks.

WHY WE SHOULD NOT GIVE OUR ADVICE

1. Each of us is different. What works for me may not work for my friend. We cannot know others as well as they know themselves. So, the ideal way to help others is to help them help themselves.

2. Often, the best way to learn is by making mistakes. Our advice may prevent a friend from gaining a valuable and unforgettable experience. More than 2,000 years ago, the Roman poet Horace wrote, “A good scare is worth more than good advice.” Similarly, the American journalist Gene Fowler (1890~1960) wrote, “I am glad that I paid so little attention to good advice; had I abided by it I might have been saved from some of my most valuable mistakes.”

3. Wise men and women don’t need advice. Foolish people won’t follow it. So, why offer it?

4. If we cannot master ourselves, what makes us think we can help others master themselves?

5. Our friend may find our advice offensive, which may damage or end our friendship.

6. We may give the wrong advice and harm our friend.

7. What better way to advise others than by our own good example? But if we are a poor example, it will cancel out the very best advice. And aren’t we all, at times, a poor example?

8. The advice we give may be something that we ourselves would not follow. Our friend would then see through our insincerity and dismiss our advice.

9. We may not be qualified to give advice on the subject troubling our friend.

10. There may be a conflict of interest. If I stand to gain by the actions I recommend my friends take, I should ask them to seek the help of someone else.

11. When we tell others what to do (give our advice), we are effectively saying that they are not good enough as they are. That is, they are unacceptable and must change. This is a form of rejection and is very painful.

WHY PEOPLE ASK FOR ADVICE:

1. In most cases, people asking for advice don’t want advice. They just want to talk about what’s troubling them. They want to vent or get it off their chest. Here is where friends can play an important role. Often, the greatest gift we can give to others is a willing ear.

2. They seek consolation. They want to be comforted. They want to know that someone cares.

3. They seek validation. That is, they have already made up their mind and want to be reassured by a friend agreeing with their decision.

4. To build intimacy. Sharing our fears, worries, and concerns brings us closer together. When we share our fears, our friends feel comfortable sharing theirs.

5. To receive approval. They want to know, from you, that despite their faults and weaknesses you accept them. This is an important role of friendship because by accepting them, you help them to accept themselves.

6. They don’t know anywhere else to turn. Because you are their last resource, your input is critical. But you don’t have to worry about what to say. Rather, you just need to help them make up their own mind.

7. Corroboration, confirmation, and clarification of facts. Sometimes a friend is distracted by muddled thinking. They realize that two heads are better than one, and are hoping that by discussing their issue with you everything will clear up in their mind.

8. Some people ask for advice to avoid responsibility. That is, if something goes wrong, they now have someone to blame. (“You gave me bad advice.”)

9. They are smart enough to realize that none of us are so stupid that we cannot help another, and none of us are so clever that we will never need the help of another. So, when they have a problem, they don’t hesitate to ask for advice. Let’s hope that you and I fall into this category, if not always, at least most of the time.

Now we are ready to learn how to help a friend asking for advice. To start off, let me sum up and rephrase what I said earlier.

Mainly, when asked for advice, never give your opinion. Rather, help your friends to arrive at their own conclusions. The first way you can do this is by following the example of Socrates, who forced his students to think for themselves by asking them a series of questions. This is an important principle. For when you TELL someone what to do, they resist. After all, no one likes to be told what to do. But when you ASK someone what steps they can take to resolve their problem, it forces them to seek a solution and offers them a plan they cannot argue with, for it is their own plan. The best way to learn the principle is to see it applied in practice. So, here is an example dialogue:

“Hi, Tom, how are you today?”

“Tell me what you would have to do…”

(At this point Tom is already planning what steps to take to solve his problem.)

NOTE
1. At no time was Tom told what to do. He did not get any advice.

2. By being asked a series of questions, Tom was forced to think for himself.

3. Not only was Tom allowed to vent, but he was guided to find his own solution.

A second way of helping friends who seek advice is by asking them empowering questions. Empowering questions steer them toward a solution. Here is a brief example to show how it works:

“I understand your problem. Now, tell me, what are your options?
What can you do about it?”

(Friend gives three options.)

“Since the more options we have, the greater the likelihood that we will make a good decision, force yourself to come up with two more things you can do.”

(After thinking, friend comes up with two more options.)

“Of these five options, which would you say is the most workable?”

“Well, if someone were to remove all options but one, which one would you want to remain?”

(After some hesitancy, friend names an option.)

“If you were to take that option, would it help?”

“Yes, I think so.”

Finally, I will conclude this article by asking George Bernard Shaw (1856~1950) to speak on my behalf: “I’m not a teacher: only a fellow-traveler of whom you asked the way. I pointed ahead — ahead of myself as well as you.”

About the author: Chuck Gallozzi lived, studied, and worked in Japan for 15 years, immersing himself in the wisdom of the Far East and graduated with B.A. and M.A. degrees in Asian Studies. He joined Zig Ziglar, Brian Tracy, and other experts to coauthor “101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life” and also joined Dr. Wayne Dyer, and others to coauthor, “Walking with the Wise for Overcoming Obstacles.” He is a Canadian writer, Certified NLP Practitioner, Founder and Leader of the Positive Thinkers Group in Toronto, speaker, seminar leader, and coach. His articles are published in books, newsletters, magazines, and newspapers. He was interviewed on CBC’s “Steven and Chris Show,” appearing nationally on Canadian TV. Chuck is a catalyst for change who is dedicated to bringing out the best in others.  

http://www.personal-development.com/chuck

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